Im happy but there is a heavy feeling of sadness in my heart that I just can't remove. Why am I like this?

Without resistance, sadness has a sense of beauty and depth I cannot find otherwise in life.

It’s impossible to overstate the freedom and peace I discovered, and I realized the only one who had been keeping those from me was… me and my imagined standards and expectations for how I had imagined I should be.

It’s still here.

Has a conversation with someone who holds opposing political views ever caused you to change your own beliefs?

So I finally threw my hands up and said something to the tune of “fuck it, since I can't seem to change, I’ll just be whatever I am then.”

I had run out of hope.

You are like me, then.

Why is watching a man and a woman have sex considered perverted? It's how we all got here, it's what we do, I say if you want to watch porn then carry on!

But no matter what I read or practiced, I could never make the sadness budge for longer than a few fleeting moments - and even then, it was likely due to me being distracted from the sensation of sadness rather than anything actually shifting.

But unlike before, there is no more resistance to the sadness.

Now, this may sound like a story of failure and giving up, but it’s actually a story of liberation.

Why do I keep dreaming of my mom, who recently passed away from cancer, still being sick and in pain?

Needless to say, my failed attempts to fix my sadness simply brought me more pain and suffering.

Your job is not to be the manager of your life, but the one who discovers yourself fully.

It’s here now, writing to you.

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What most people don’t know unless they’ve looked more closely is that there is also an element of deep, profound sadness that has always been with me since as long as I can remember.

What I am trying to say is that when you stop trying to change yourself into something you are not, you give yourself the gift of discovering yourself as you already are.

I was tired of trying and failing.

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It’s the most beautiful and liberating thing in the world.

You are the masterpiece you came here to discover.

Be who you already are.

I am so tired of ignorant people like you calling us far rights, why democrats is so educated, they take things from their own mouth, you guys are totalitarian party?

When I stopped trying to force myself to be something I am not, I gave myself the freedom of being who I am.

This interpretation lead me on a path of self improvement, to fix what I considered to be “wrong” with myself.

It wasn’t until about 10 years ago that I finally fell out of that ferris wheel of trying and failing to fix myself.

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I was tired of fighting.

The sadness was still there.

And the sadness?

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Most people that know me would probably describe me as a social, happy, and somewhat quirky person with a twisted sense of humor.

In the absence of a should, I was free to be as I am.

It’s difficult to put into words exactly what caused what, but to the best of my ability to describe it, I felt as if my will to keep fighting was beaten right out of me.

What were the first few days, weeks, months and then years like after finding out about your spouses infidelity? How did your feelings, and yours & their approach to the situation change in the immediate aftermath compared to later down the line?

For much of my adult life, I interpreted this sadness as something being wrong - with either myself or my life in general.

So if you are sad - like me - then be sad.